ZENDAYA AND THIS HIGH SCHOOL BOY…
Blown by Circumstances. Let Go of that Shit!
There was this boy in my high school who was a clown every fucking day. He was invariably eliminating sadness and boredom from everyone who was around him. He always appeared excited. But to him, Lost was his best friend and the bar he set for himself was his limit and unsurpassable.
When this boy was doing his 12th grade, suddenly, the hell’s leviathan cloud surrounded him and wound up being thrutched by it back and forth until he lost a sense of touch with reality and himself as well. He became numb. This leviathan cloud besteered his mind and shoveled his values into the primeval chaos. He suffered drastically.
Consequently, this boy’s heart was dominated by sadness. He was an expert at being miserable. It really fucked him up to always stay in control of what was going to him. Being serious about himself brought him a fuckton of superficial contentment. He thought he was moving. But he wasn’t. He thought he was smart. But he wasn’t. He thought he knew what he was doing. But, obviously, he wasn’t. He thought he was on the right track. But fuck it! This boy wasn’t. Lost was his best friend and Stagnant was his couch.
Furthermore, this boy was full of shame. Each day felt like an escape from the ogin full of megalodons. His room appeared larger and colder every night. If you were to be around him, you wouldn’t be able to easily detect that shit that was fucking him up. Razor fences surrounded his ass. There was no escape and he was timid. The boy was helpless. He was loathing himself and paid the price of his deeds eventually; he gave up and found himself waking up in reality with wounds that needed to be treated. And that boy’s name was…uhm (gulp), may I have some water, please (in Optimus Prime’s tone of voice).
It sucks to always suck. Therefore, suck less as much as you can. Everyday!
A year ago, I met this dark-skinned, slender, smart, highly-introverted, and volatile young lady named Zendaya. Zendaya wasn’t that attractive in an extreme manner (but at least she had the potential to be). She had got a tiny ass which bothered me a lot because I enjoy it when the ass does the magic wiggle and wobble moves. But the flesh in her legs was way, way, way bootylicious than her face. The structure and the youthfulness of her legs were bedworthy. Her legs were hairy as well as her face (the longer you get to know her the more you’ll come to notice that she’s just a girl like other girls out there. Ho-hum, nothing much). Her eyebrows were very bushy and her eyes were somewhat wide apart and her mouth was a little bit wider if you pay enough attention. Most of herself were wider just like her pristine legs but I don’t know about her quim. Besides, Zendaya was a goddamn Virgo intacta.
Irrefutably, I did contemplate a handful of times about knowing Zendaya in a biblical sense. But I stopped. Yeah, I shut down those negative thoughts that were trying to convince me to graft the forked tree with her. I told myself to stop thinking about those yet-to-happen activities under some nice, decorated white sheets. I didn’t want to get my groove on with Zendaya because I would have been very much desperate and needy. I knew that I would be some psychotic, horny bastard who fucks everything that moves.
Look, I did imagine myself penetrating her quim with my Master John Goodfellow. I saw her in my imagination screaming and making those good-sounding noises. It was sad because that girl was innocent and pretty much ignorant. I envisioned her holding me tighter during the Ugandan discussion and grabbing the pillows and hiding her head into them after we have come together and… bursting into tears of agony and regret while I’m looking for a piece of fabric to wipe those ensanguined sheets before they get dry. Poor Zendaya, the girl was helpless. Therefore, I gently asked my mind to leave me the fuck alone. And it did.
As I got to know her deeper and deeper, Zendaya seemed like she doesn’t give a flying fuck about anything that was coming along with her, particularly the external one (friendship or anything). She acted indestructible, content, hyperfocused, and on schedule as well. Another thing, she was always in castles in Spain.
Zendaya reminded me of this boy who acted as if the whole ball of wax was passable. In her own world, Zendaya was well-furnished so did this boy. Nothing bothered her and nothing seemed to be wrong about her at any rate. She was who she was and she believed that she would always be who she was because she meant to be who she was — damn! Fuckin’ Zendaya! Self-belief is sometimes cataclysmic.
When I first got along with Zendaya, I told myself that this is it. Oh yeah! This is the one was looking for. Ahuh, but obviously, she was the one. But when two or three weeks passed, my mental state got coalesced. What I thought I like turned out to be what I literally hated unfeignedly. I desired. I arrived at the scene. I almost sampled. I found the tragedy. I saw a deep-stream of blood all over. Then, I turned my fucking back away because it wasn’t what I thought it was. Fuck! It wasn’t what I desire in a truthful way. But I got my ass back again simply to…observe.
“You can observe a lot by just watching” ~Yogi Berra
In addition, to paint a clear picture of Zendaya’s character about what I’ve seen or what she allowed me to see, I can tell that Zendaya has a huge potential of becoming the best version of herself. That girl is smart and curious. And self-centered a bit. In his book called Factotum, Charles Bukowski, the American novelist, wrote, “Potential means nothing. You’ve to do it.” But still, the girl is adorable and has that thing. The closer you get to her the more you miss the shot and the farther you’d step away. The more you get to taste her soul the more intoxicated you get. The more you chew her the more you slowly regret it.
Luckily, because Zendaya reminded me of this boy in high school, I recalled that I was familiar with this kind of condition and how this boy dealt with it. I found similarities and differences between this boy and Zendaya in their characters. Zendaya was a twenty-two-year-old girl when I met her and this boy was only seventeen-year-old. Howbeit I didn’t meet them at the same period of time, I met this boy 4 years ago, and Zendaya, only a year ago. But their shit internally was pretty much similar.
Here’s how similar Zendaya was to this boy: Zendaya believes that the whole world is cruel and untrustworthy. She sees threats in every corner. Everything that is unfamiliar to her is dreadful and needs to be avoided like the plague. But when I reached my own conclusions I noticed that this crappy mindset of hers was driven by fear and mistrust. But she was easily pulled by interests (that’s the bait she couldn’t resist).
I recall one night when visiting her in her own room with one of my friends, she was bored and lonely as fuck, we stayed there having different kinds of conversations until late at night. When it was time to leave, she begged us to stay a little bit more but we couldn’t because I was hungry and needed to do some vital stuff. She tried to convince us to stay by telling us that she’d make popcorn at least so we could stay. But we couldn’t. Hunger was kicking in through my stomach with its oversized goddamn boots. Therefore, we left her with her popcorn. We won the battle.
When we left the room. Boom! Zendaya was right behind us following our butts. She said she’d leave us halfway. Luckily, we agreed with that. When we reached halfway and when it was time for her to get her tiny ass back to her room. She refused to go back. All the way when she was walking with us, she was bemoaning about the street lights telling us that people would spot her and that she hate people blah, blah, blah. At that time, my ears found a chance to listen to that bullshit, but I didn’t give a fuck because we spent enough time with her and I was hungry like a wolf as well.
Finally, we left her. It was sad…but worth it. I hope she didn’t suffer that much from her imaginary ghosts.
Look, let’s flip this story back to this side of this boy in my high school. This boy was similar to Zendaya but in a deeper sense because he was strongly gravitating toward sympathy and always followed by fear that he attract. How? Well, this boy was accustomed to believing that he was a victim and the universe was responsible for the shitty victim mentality he carried along throughout his entire teenhood. Therefore, he was indirectly seeking sympathy from others while maintaining the trumped-up appearance of “minding my own business.” He suffered more and more. He paid the price.
“Man is what he believes.” ~Anton Chekhov
Another thing, this boy was terrified of reality with its unpleasant circumstances just like Zendaya. He remained inside his dark unending fissure waiting to be rescued. He believed he had the worst personal problems in the total Milky-way than anybody. But that didn’t work because the Milky-way itself doesn’t give a fuck about any motherfucker’s issues here. He failed terribly to control his own mind. He was affected and puppeteered by whatever shit life was throwing him into. He was blown by circumstances from one place to another. The same thing was happening to Zendaya.
Zendaya was blown by circumstances that she was immersing herself into and also the ones that were simply bypassing like an instantaneous wind in the trees. Something that I, too, couldn’t understand that was forcing her to remain inactive where she was even if she beginning to be a young living dead with a tiny ass.
“If you can’t control your own mind then you are just a feather in the wind of life.” ~Andrew Tate
What I found worthful for my observation about Zendaya is that all that was confusing me was happening inside her head. And that her feelings were the captains of her boat wherever she sails and her thoughts were overwhelming her. She had a tendency to distrust everyone and still never listens to anyone (stubborn, right?). But still, that stubbornness of hers merely shoveled her into her fears. Those fears were simply playing with her. Checkmate!
As someone who got closer not only to her but also through her soul while acting unnoticing anything, it was shameful. It’s a pity to always be easily blown by any circumstances that come through your life as if you have no clue what you want, what you want to do, where you stand, and where you want to go.
To conclude, remember when I said earlier that Zendaya reminded me of this high school boy? Well, that high school boy was ME. What I didn’t like about Zendaya going through reality with little or no mind control is what I didn’t like about myself when I was in a similar condition to hers. But that high school boy overcame those battles. Wait…(just to give credit to me a bit, you know), I overcame those dreadful mental battles. I overcame that hell’s leviathan cloud (whatever it was). I freed myself from my mind, motherfucker!
I really hope wherever Zendaya is will overcome those mental battles she had and get rid of that hell’s leviathan cloud and take full control of her life, all with her fresh legs and bushy eyebrows as well.
I’ll now honestly conclude here, my fellow reader, okay? Thank you. Look, once you begin to take full control of your life you begin to realize that all that emotional and mental baggage you carried wasn’t worth being carried at all. Once you start to live life by your own desired rules, you receive horrifying questions like “Why are doing it?” or “How are you going to survive?” or “Don’t you see that it’s risky?” I’ll tell you what, it’s okay. Just chill. And the worst part is that you gonna lose some of your loved ones without having a clear reason. That’s fine. That is also part of the journey of life. Accept and embrace it.
