The Lonely Yet Pretentiously Busy Ones
https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/friendship/im-lonely-4526.html
Today in the late afternoon I was trying to do some push ups and stretching my entire body limbs as I usually do that for at least forty to one hour each day.
I tried some repetitive jumps (quite hard ones) to simply get my blood warmer so that I can begin my workouts as I consider doing that as a fuel when my body temperature has increased enough.
While I was still in the beginning of that process I heard someone screaming outside down the street of my house. At that time, I was in the garage standing on my yoga mat and looking at myself in my broken mirror. I quickly grabbed my t-shirt and wear it (in a wrong way) along the way as fast as I could just to see what’s really happening.
I went outside, I saw a bunch of people (teenagers and young adults) standing there watching. I went down to see closely, there were two dudes, one on top of the other fighting over some shit. One has stolen a cellphone so the other one wants it back as he beat the shit out of him with an uncontrollable ugly anger.
While I was still watching, I heard a voice calling my name behind me in a distance of about twenty meters. I looked behind my back. It was Lisa, the girl who lives one block away from my home and was my high-school classmate.
She was wearing a grey cotton trouser and a pink crop top with white flowers with a knot in it. She is shorter than I and had a dark sheen short hair (I even complemented her for that). She had a stuffed alluring ass and had gain a little bit of weight, you could see that by just looking at her belly.
We talked a bit about what was happening about the fight of those dudes while stating our very own opinion about what we would do if we were that dude who were beaten. It was a dull conversation and a weather started to get cold because I was simply wearing my workout kits (short and a t-shirt).
Lisa then began changing the subject and telling me about the things I didn’t ask: love life. She told me about her previous relationship with her ex-boyfriend and that he married another woman a couple of months after they broke up together (I felt and still feel sorry for her).
She then told me about a current one, that her current boyfriend has a gun and drives a car that resembles a grey uber of her other male friend and that she made a good decision by leaving that toxict previous relationship of hers etcetera.
She told me all these things but then I realized that she has no real friends or hasn’t told anyone about this or she trust me or she was bored or I looked like some kind of a fucking priest to her. But I was certain that she was lonely but she was pretending to a busy person. Yes, she was but not as she thought she was.
Lisa, my good neighbor, said to me that she doesn’t want female friends because they gossip a lot and are jealous of her and that she cut them off. Now, she had just learned to stay indoors everyday and go outside only to meet her boyfriend or when going to work.
Again, this symbolized loneliness to me and a craving to talk (she’s a woman and I understand). This individual, Lisa, was lonely as fuck but because we stood there by the pavement for approximately two hours while she was telling me her stories and I was listening to her. Some of those stories were fucking mixed up like a pack of uncooked noodles in a way that I didn’t hear her clearly.
Pretending to be busy and being busy are two different things. And use others indirectly to abolish your state of loneliness is a technique that delivers and piles up only unnecessary problems.
Lisa, I highly respect you and whenever you see this, talk to someone you truly trust or to me with honesty and directly as I’m still in the process of practicing generosity and kindness. Don’t confuse kindness with niceness.
Being alone is good but being lonely is bad for your survival as a social creature. And pretending to be busy by appearing busy while you’re absolutely not busy is far dangerous than being lonely baby. I’m not against you, Lisa. I’m supporting you and all those who are going through the same shit, may you fight those battles and overcome them with confidence.
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/27/well/pandemic-wellness-hugging.html
I don’t know why I’m writing this but I felt an urge to write this as I sometimes gets controlled by some crazy demons I don’t understand nor resist.
