THE FASTEST WAY TO BE SHALLOW. AND CREEPY.
From my experience, some pretty majors shit (which is yet to be detected and widely addressed worldwide) is constantly sucking up the iGen (say, Post-Millennials) or the “look at me!” generation like the Antarctic blue whale enjoying the afternoon meal and incredible juices.
If you are the type of person who always believes in facts, statistics, or theories and always intellectualizes without putting your shit into practice. Or someone who is a great overthinker of them all. Then, not only you are going to be shocked, but also you are going to be extremely disappointed as well.
Let’s not turn this conversation into a goddamn fight.
“Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other so we can have some conversation.” ~Mark Twain
The strategies that I’m going to offer you — without any conditions, and without expecting any of your folly opinions — either are what you are already using or have been using before or have been thinking about using about one or more of them. Or you’re being used by them.
But before we commence, let us take a quick look at these examples by most digital natives.
“Hey, guys! Look at the expensive, complicated meal I‘m eating right away. I’m living a soft life!” says a fool.
“What’s up, peeps! What’s poppin? I just bought this latest jewelry a few days ago at a particular online store overseas. I’m very excited right now. We are making major moves, buddies!” says a fool.
“My boyfriend dumped on me the day before yesterday after he moved to another city that is 52 miles away from where I reside to pursue his career in baseball. He literally hurt my feelings. Surely he found another girl who got a better, fresh, and hot cunt than mine. My mother and I hate him. What can I do, guys, to bring him back into my life?” says a fool.
“During the previous month, I banged 11 girls and you could do it too to prove that you are a man who knows how to deck his own cards. I banged only gorgeous girls ranging from blondes to tennis players, from journalists to waitresses, from college students to volunteers, and 1 Indian girl also. Be the fucking champ, bro, and show them who’s the boss!” says a fool.
“I don’t know anyone here and there’s no one who can help or understands me. That’s why I suffer. I suffer inside because I’m an introvert and I’m a lone wolf so that’s why I’m in this unimaginable pain. People don’t give a fuck about us — introverts — and they don’t understand my situation. People are evil and I hate them, argh!” says a fool.
“My wife cheated on me after we had been together for 13 years and she didn’t just stop there (despite everything I did for her, all my sweat, all the money I have spent, all my fucking effort), she filed a divorce and told me straight in the eyeballs that I don’t recognize her value. Boys, don’t ever trust a woman in your life. All women are untrustworthy and ungrateful and fuckstresses! Avoid them” says a fool.
“I’m a very nice guy and my mom loves that, therefore I’m gonna make sure I work my ass off to make her proud as I used to do in university by getting good grades. I made my mom very happy by being a top student at university. As such, right now I’m gonna provide her with everything she needs and take care of her. I hated my dad since I was an eight-year-old boy because he didn’t treat her well. He didn’t know how to be “nice” and take care of my mom. So, I’m gonna give my mom some extraordinary comfort and love she never received from my dad. I will do this to my future girlfriend as well” says a fool.
“Hey, guys, I’m 33 years old. I just bought this drone, you know. I spent 7 000 dollars on it. I…I…think I like it because I carry it with me in the mountains and, ah, sometimes I play it in my, as you see…in my background, you know, hahaha. And, um, haha, it’s a good one and it is expensive as you can see this light underneath it, you should buy it too. Let’s show the world, fellas! Hahaha, let’s inspire them!” says a fool.
“Jesus Christ! When I woke up today, I found out that my picture where I’m wearing a green bikini in the seashore had got 861 000 views and 133 000 likes on Facebook and I’m trending on Instagram right now as we speak. My goal is to buy an Apple iPhone 14 Pro Max blah blah blah so that my followers can see my pictures with high quality. Yeees! I’m so thrilled that I’m loved by people around the world, haha. I need to show this to my mom right now” says a fool.
As you see, these are the perfect examples of shallow-minded individuals and, according to me, they are very, very, very creepy. See? It’s not about age, possessions, ethnicity, continent, political system, religion (or whatever it is), culture, status, or looks. Anyone can be shallow and creepy if one is not careful enough about one’s behavior.
I know that some of you might say, “You are just jealous. You don’t appreciate people’s achievements or you don’t respect other people’s beliefs or you don’t care about lone wolfs (whatever that means)!” Fellas, I get it. And if this makes you angry and feels like you will explode, well, then you need to read it thoroughly until the end. It means you suffer from one or more of these issues. It means you too are shallow or creepy. Or both. Don’t shoot the messenger.
Shall I begin to offer you the strategies? Are you prepared? Alright, let’s jump right into them and see what we get.
I. Show off.
This is an incredible strategy you may use and it requires you to be in the top 1% of the shallow population that knows and values superficial things that make sense only to the majority of the consumer culture. This is a great one because all you need is to update your superficials to always remain on track. It boosts your false ego and heightens envy while making you think you are the only best creature on the planet.
II. Win Arguments.
This is also another strategy (but I’ve seen it being used by many geeks) that I guarantee will make you dumber, especially if you are overtalkative and stubborn. The majority of geeks are experts at arguing on the internet because they have this strange calling of spending their entire lives behind the computer. Some are performing it in real life to prove themselves that they are smart-asses and no one knows better than them. It feels good to them and it’s a big achievement when they win an argument as they have nothing more important to give a fuck about than winning an argument. All you have to do is to overestimate your knowledge.
III. Watch the News
Some of you might say, “Wait, Luyanda, hold up a second…what is wrong with watching the news? I just want to know what is going on in the world we are living in.” Yep, the more you watch the news the more you don’t see anything wrong with watching the news. Why would you waste your precious time just to know that there is a traffic jam on a particular road while you don’t even have a bicycle? You know very well that you only access transport at a subway station or using a cab. Why would you waste your goddamn precious time just to hear that there was a robbery at a certain museum? You know very well that you have never been in a museum facility before and you’re just a random person who spends his time in nightclubs and hooking up with various girls every weekend. You don’t give a fuck about museums, do you? This is as same as reading newspapers. Mark Twain, an American writer, said, “If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed. If you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.”
Should I continue delivering these amazing strategies? How are you feeling? Confused, astonished, annoyed, or bored? That’s right, baby. This is for you.
IV. Gossip
This strategy has existed for thousands of years and it shows no signs to cease its existence. Women are well known for being the greatest experts in this one. But, it turns out that men also are the greatest players at it. It is not scientifically proven. It is seen through people’s behavior. I told you that if you only rely on data or if you think you can trust information from science sources only (like Samul Lewis), then you are going to be excessively disappointed. Studies have shown that people who gossip a lot tend to live longer. There’s no doubt that shallow beings can live longer (if you don’t believe me, just look at the Seychelles giant tortoise’s life span). Gossiping may help you to be shallow (and creepy as well) so that you can live longer than the rest of us.
V. Bemoaning
Those creatures who always bemoan are one of the shallowest beings in the universe because they think (A) they are always right (never ever wrong) and (B) they are not responsible for what happens to them. These people are not solution-oriented in every situation. In every problem, they form another problem on top of it. They bring unnecessary excuses which makes them more shallow and creepier. It’s an effective strategy, though. It can place you in the top 1% of creepier people. But be careful and note that — I’m warning you — no one will enjoy hanging out with you. And that will make you bemoan more often than before. But at least you will be shallow.
So these are the strategies that our shallow humans indulge in. What surprises me is that they don’t see any fucking wrong with it, especially about their creepiness. There are a lot of strategies and countless examples but the ones I’ve stated above are the most effective and fastest ones. Surely you don’t want to end up being shallow and creepy, do you?
If this irritated, shocked, or befuddled you, well, it means something must be fixed immediately within you and only by you before you run into a lot of trouble.
