Dating Issues
I don't particularly talk about this subject too often, even in social sessions with friends or strangers. Last night, nearly at midnight, I felt some emotional ejection from the cockpit of intimate relationship and then after a snap of that feeling, well, as usual, I tried to thoroughly scrutinize my dependency on and vulnerability to love.
While I was terrified of that process of thorough examination and introspection, I leaped out of the bed and stood up erect, talking to myself like a psycho in a mental hospital. I questioned myself and my need for love from people and my surroundings to the point where I even asked myself why I even think I'm entitled to it.
"Why do I think I deserve to be loved?" I questioned myself.
Shit! Those kinda questions sucks and they’re terrifying when they get a chance to collide with your insecurities. Sure, everyone does feel like that sometimes, but when you occupy yourself with the so-called Work, Hobbies, Entertainment, Religion, or Summer vacations to Virginia, the tendency to get chocked and knocked out by these realizations is way less because at those times you’re not philosophizing. And you’re sort of moronic.
I couldn’t believe that I was a PUSHER all along, trying to get my way through the things I wanted from people by performing certain strategies to win someone over until I decided to put an end on that bullshit habit.
"Holy shit! I was a bad person," I was being realistic to myself. Or maybe I thought I was.
So what? What am I gonna do next? Is this the end? Probably no. It’s just a pre-beginning of the phase of my life in this decade of my 20s.
Within that same hour of the midnight, I went on Reddit to find someone who feel the same and whom I can relate to, I read a dozen posts and comments about people complaining about their dating lives. I was tuned in that I unawarely spent more than an hour on my phone reading and gauging the distance between the pain they feel/felt and the expectations they have/had.
Thousands of people from different countries, cities, and families are struggling with the same thing in a way that some of them are certainly giving up on it. Is that a healthy way of living nowadays, or was it just a painful way but leading to a less clusterfucked life? We are yet to find out.
Surprisingly, I saw a post by a woman (a young woman in her 20s) about how miserable her dating life is. She said she'd never found a compatible guy before who actually loved her and she's still trying to get one but it seems that guys are no longer interested in dating in this current era and that they put tiny or zero effort to get a girl.
Comments? Yeah, there were loads of comments as there were also loads of different posts, people complaining about not having or finding a good partner. It was sad to read about, and some even said, "It doesn't get better as you age. The older you get, the harder." Others said, "You'll see at 30 (or 45), it's even harder."
What I've noticed is that a large number of these complaints came from young people. They're are in some dipshit situation in terms of not having an authentic connection with their fellow human beings. Sure, it makes no sense that there are billions of humans on earth, yet people are way more disconnected than ever! Irregardless of the number of people and the growing rate of social media usage, still, people feel isolated, distant, and undoubtedly unhappy!
Why? That's a great question. As great as this question may sound, it's harder to find a straight, solid answer for it. As I was reading comments on Reddit in the midnight, somebody mentioned that the reason behind this war of zero genuine connection and loneliness is that young people in this modern world are so accustomed to instant results and gratitude where they put less effort to get them. Eventually--to grant myself permission to add to that comment--this thing then becomes an addiction. Or worse, it forges entitlement. I totally agree with that comment and my own words as well.
Another one said the problem is that young people nowadays don't go out often to meet people. They spend their lives on the screen, exchanging text messages all day long without meeting one another to experience real connection as human beings. To add my own opinion to this, they become self-absorbed, always thinking about what they want, how to make themselves look happy or rich, worrying about what others think of themselves, unhappy about the last season of some series on Netflix and so on. And then after that, anger arises, usually caused by sexual frustration and lack of a proper partner to form true chemistry with and share their feelings and desires with.
What they do, they turn inward, shut everything from the external world, and push everyone away. Of course, this exacerbates misery and loneliness. If they stay too long living like this, then doing the opposite will feel like hell and sometimes becomes impossible.
Nobody wants to die old and alone. Acquiring the world's materials, tangible necessities, and forming a status in society is manageable. Sometimes, we can be certain that we will eventually acquire it after a certain period of time. But love? Real love? Real partner who brings up the things that you can't buy which are costless? We are not sure. And that's a scary thing to imagine because those world's materials we are running after won't show up in my deathbeds or coffins.
In invaluable thoughts as a social animal produced by nature to play your role among the species, it must be bared in mind--and be a constant reminder--that the value of gold, money, oil, estate, or Louis Vuitton can NOT be measured against the value of human affection. Also, the effect of people, whether subtlety or well-defined, is way more crucial than that gold Rolex watch on your wrist or expensive red wine you sip on the beach front restaurant’s balconies.
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should be frugal and live in a cave and stink and give zero fucks about good stuff. Life is short, we all know, so let’s enjoy it. But enjoying it doesn’t mean living it with no sense of purpose and fulfilment. But you should prioritize what pays off positively in the long term and has magnitude to your soul. I’m not advocating on living poorly but wisely.
As frustrated as we are with the other gender and pointing fingers at each other, no matter how many movements we join or how many genders we establish or how many political parties we create or how many dating life coaches and crappy gurus we follow, it won’t help and never will. I blame the media for creating unrealistic expectations, the parents for not teaching us enough and properly, and the government for turning us into something else other than human beings at some degree. But most of all, I blame ourselves. We are to blame. The way we respond to those events made a great impact on us than the occurrence of events themselves.
We can pinpoint the problem and celebrate for identifying it, but finding a problem and actually solving it are two different things. I don't know the real problem yet because it stems from many different roots. There's no singular source. When we force ourselves to acknowledge that we are the opposite sex and that we are indeed opposite, we may be halfway towards finding solutions and live happily together instead of writing essays hating each other, complaining, and sobbing on Reddit.
Again, fellas, it’s not enough to understand. We must ACT. To bring ourselves inch by ich to the solution, we need to examine ourselves, motives, values, and act regularly upon shaping and reshaping our characters.
Ask yourself: Would you date yourself? If not, well, that's a fucking problem. Are you worthy enough of the boyfriend/girlfriend you're always thinking about? If not, that's a fucking problem again. Would you choose to live with yourself for the rest of your life? If not, that's a fucking big problem as well right there. Work on yourself. Start from today.
Look, this motherfucker is simple but not easy, it takes effort--mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. What kind of a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife do you want? Do you want someone who is healthy with an athletic body? Then go be healthy and have an athletic body. Do you want someone who cooks delicious food? Then learn to cook delicious food. Do you want someone who can give you money? Go make it. Do you want someone with a kind heart and good manners? Then be that someone. Do you want someone who is sexy? Be that person. This tool serves as an antidote to block and shatter unbearable narcissism. Why do you want to play the game unfairly?
Sure, you want someone who is good-looking and smart with a pocket full of cash? Huh? Good, we get it. But the question is: Do they want you? I leave that question with you.
Another problem we face is that people want other people to do them what they can't do for themselves. For example, like wanting a shredded guy with abs while you weigh 200 lbs and can't even stay in the gym longer than 10 minutes. That's your choice, and you're not wrong for wanting that kinda guy. But it's unfair when a force a guy to train to death to develop abs because you want a guy with six packs. That's ridiculous and crazy. That's narcissism at its clandestine form.
It can not be as easily solvable as it sounds, but it can be handled. And you don't need to push your boyfriend/girlfriend to do what you want. You need to work on your ass. That's why self-improvement is free and is always there for anyone from anywhere in this world.
Listen, you can’t instruct a pilot how to fly an airplane when you’ve never flown it before. You can’t teach someone how to be financially rich when you’re financially poor. You can’t coach someone how to be fit when you’re not and have never been before.
The same goes for genders. A woman can’t tell a man how to be a real man when she’s never been a man before. A man can’t tell a woman how to be a real woman when he’s never been a woman before. It’s a real woman who needs to tell a woman how to be a woman. And it’s a real man who is supposed to tell a man how to be a man, period.
Last words, no one is supposed to make you happy. You are responsible for your inner stability and temperament. Fuck being a victim, you won’t get too far with this mentality. Fuck blaming on your partner when you feel unhappy. It’s you who chose them to be with them in the first place. So fuck that. Fuck blaming men for not approaching you or wanting to only have sex with you. The problem is you. The problem lies on your fucking boundaries and values. It means you have some loose morals at a certain scale. Fuck blaming women for leeching on your hard-earned money. The problem is you motherfucker. Fuck waiting for years and years in hopes that someday a perfect partner out there who is meant for you will magically come to you to have a happily ever after. That’s fucking unreal. This is not a Hollywood show goddammit! Fuck jumping from this relationship to that one when you face difficulties. For a relationship to be fucking healthy, fucking nourish it. And fuck trying to be perfect. You will never be.
