A Sneaking Bacteria
Etymology. Borrowed from New Latin bacteria, plural of bactērium, from Ancient Greek βακτήριον (baktḗrion).
Troubles, huh? Shit, he met me in the kitchen while I was standing right in front of the washbasin filling my stainless steel pot with water in half to boil the pinto beans.
“You cook pinto beans?” he asked. But he asked with an indirect compliment.
“Yeh” I replied. “I was often raised by my granny, you know. So I learned much of this stuff from her.”
“Oh, yeah, I see. So today we’re eating pinto beans!” He smiled. He was excited and said, “Don’t forget to call me when it’s ready.”
“Cool, I’ll call you.”
It was around 12am or so. I filled my shinny stainless steel pot with water. Turned on the stove into 6. Put my pot there. Enclosed it with a lid. And went my ass back to my room.
The sun was hot as fuck. If hell is as burning as that motherfucking sun of a bitch, well, then, I must return myself back to Christ and apologize for all the deeds I’ve committed that he hates the most. But after all, I’m a human being. I’m a human spirit. I belong to the human race.
At that hot sunny as hell moment, I was wearing my blue jeans, vans, and a shirt with the first two unbuttoned buttons. I hate the heat that comes with a sun. I love staring at the beauty of the sun in the morning when it shows up and staring at its beauty in the afternoon when it is hiding. But I hate its natural duty of burning us. I hate its very hotness. Seriously, I fucking hate it.
I went back to the kitchen again to check what’s really going on inside my pot. I opened the lid. The fucking steam ran upside rapidly to meet me in the face halfway. Look, I hate when the hottest steam comes up right into my face because it’s hot. I hate hot things. Not all of them, No! But I hate 99% of them.
To name a few, I hate hot water. I hate hot food. I hate hot steam. I hate hot showers. I hate hot air. And I hate hot conversations.
Good people, I hate all those things and their cousins except hot pussies and hot girls, you know. Damn! I know God made those two exceptions for his son (me). If he didn’t, then I made them for myself,. By my fucking self. SOLO.
I went back to my room for a while and then got back to the kitchen again. I did that insane ritual again and again and again. But while I was practicing that insane ritual of checking the pot, this dude came out of nowhere and talked about my pinto beans in my shinny stainless steel pot. The same dude who talked about it before.
Imagine, the sun is hot. Its heat is attacking all your moves from the kitchen to your room and from your room to the pooping room. And then there’s someone who’s constantly talking behind your butt persistently. Just imagine, dawg. All that crap: the sun’s heat, the steam, the talking dude. All that combination is on you. This dude would murder you. He would surely kill a man, I swear. This dude has no mercy at all.
Didn’t he see that I wasn’t in a mood? I bet he did. Bored ass was trying to befriend me but the ugly problem was…
…the ugly problem was his bad timing. He had a bad timing. I wasn’t in the mood to talk due that sun’s chronic duty. And the worst part is, I wasn’t looking for friends. Nope! Not at all. I had enough friends to talk to at that time. Sorry.
Backtrack, he told me the other day about the time he used to sleep by. At that day, the stupid sun with its insufferable heat wasn’t there. It took a day off. Or it was asleep. Or it was late, so it missed the time. Or it had a hangover. Or it was masturbating (who knows). But thank God it wasn’t there.
OK, this dude told me that he sleep at 3am in the morning everyday. Can you imagine? 3am! This motherfucker is crazy.
I asked him why.
“A real man doesn’t sleep” he said.
He also told me that he is usually studying in the midnight before bed. That’s when I realized that THIS IS THE ONE of the bacterias I MUST RUN the fuck AWAY from before I get infected.
His name is Luis. He stays in the same building with me at room 3. He is a third-year student (a nerd) in the faculty of Science. I heard he’s doing coding and other stuff like that that makes them appear more intellectuals than other students.
Luis has no taste in dressing style. He dresses like a weary cabbage in the garden. He has no artistic taste in music (in a deeper sense). He merely plays what is popular. In food? None. Just a big plain shit-zero there. His views on politics, economics, psychology, human behavior, societies, business, arts, and creativity? Crap. He just speaks what he heard without examining it thoroughly.
Luckily, Luis survives in technology. But the technology that is studied inside the school walls only.
Luis has only one thing I’ve noticed to back his ass up with though: his brains. The dude is smart. Yet foolish. He is smart because he can code. But he code only in the context of school. He’s smart because he can code what his lectures tells him to code.
Therefore, Luis is a geek. And a bacteria. The reason I refer to him a bacteria is because he talks too much without thinking in depth. Luis likes to open his mouth very often and talk whatever comes to his brain. But he doesn’t know how to talk properly with other uninfected human beings. He doesn’t know how to speak to other girls he have a cush on them. And he doesn’t know how to notice when someone isn’t in a mood. He just bites and infect.
I recall the other day, I went to check him in his room to see if I quickly made conclusions about seeing him as a bacteria. I visited him. I arrived in his room. Room 3. I knocked. I knocked again. No one opened the door. I then knocked louder for the last time. The door opened. He had drowsy eyes. The dude seemed like he was asleep or masturbating. Man, I don’t know.
He opened the door and show me his long face and leaned against the wall. The room was smelling like dirty football socks of hundred men. I don’t know why because it was during the day and the sun was up doing its natural duty. But a little bit hot at this point.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Yeh?” He asked.
“You good?” I asked.
“Yah. What do you want?”
“I was just checking you up.”
I eyeballed the room through that tiny opened space from the door and I was shocked. Guess what? The windows were completely closed. It shocked me because it was hot and it was during the midday. Maybe that’s why it was stinking like football socks of hundred men.
“ Just open the goddamn door.” I said.
“Eh?” He looked confused.
“Man, just let me in.”
“Oh!”
He opened it fully. I entered his cave. I’ll call it a cave because I’ve never seen a stinking room like that. So, I held my breath. Went straight to the windows and opened them fast. Finally, it was better. 45% of the smell went outside. I didn’t feel like I was in a cave anymore.
We then talked about gender distinctions between males and females about they behave, think, perceive things, and process their feelings. As well as what they oftentimes talk about and think about. I threw his mind on that subject to see how he feels and thinks about it. But then I found out that he rarely thinks about it. Or he’s lazy to steal an hour from his study schedule in the midnight to ponder about what really impacts humanity.
You may think it doesn’t impact him because he just pays no attention at it. But you know what? It does. It just that he chooses to ignore it.
“What books do you read” he asked me while sitting in his study table behind the laptop.
“Listen, I don’t read books. I use them to see the world with another human eye. Which ones do you want to know about?”
“I want to start reading books and gain knowledge because I can see that you’re well-read.”
“Well, it depends. It depends on the types of books that interests you. The types of books that interests me might not interests you. And the types of books that interests you might not interests me.”
“Okey, what types of books you read that interes..?”
“No!” I interrupted him. “Find out what types of books that interests you and read them. That’s it.”
We then talked about other dull shit and then I got the fuck out of his cave that smells like football socks of hundred men. I nearly got infected but I ran away. I survived.
Brothers and sisters, Luis kept asking me about pinto beans even weeks after that and moaned that I didn’t call him the day I cooked it.
Sure, I didn’t call him. I’m not his friend and he’s not my friend either. He’s a bact…And I was just joking when I said I would call him.
He kept moaning every time when he sees me until I finally cooked it again. I went to his cave to feed him. His cave was just as stinking as I left it weeks ago, and the windows were completely closed again, argh! This son of a bitch lives like a bombardier stink bug.
I let him eat it. He was excited. He shoved the spoon in his mouth two times and watched me. He laughed. It was strange seeing a bacteria complimenting and appreciated things made by human beings.
I watched him shoving it to his mouth nonstop with his head down above my plate. And when he’s done, he said I should call him next time. What the fuck? Was he kidding me, right? No way, tell me he was kidding.
Right after that day, every time when he spot my ass almost everywhere: on campus, in the kitchen, in the streets, in the men’s crapper, he still sings the same irritating verse with the same irritating melodies. This nut wants me to call him every time when I cook something.
Geez, not only this nut wants me to call him when I cook pinto beans. But when I cook anything, Jesus! I need some serious help because I can’t seem to get the fuck away from this poisonous bacteria, my Lord. Send some assistance back here in my house and don’t forget to assault all these kinds of bacterias that are trying to disturb my minor peace I’ve bared.
Do I need a special doctor from United Arab Emirates? If so, please recommend some and leave that doctor’s details in the comments below. Please. Make it fast.
So, gentleman (and ladies), be ware of such bacterias like Luis for they dissolve your soul and peace inside the negative acid everywhere you go. And the most scary part is that they follow you everywhere even to your secret locations. They don’t want to see us happy.
There are many Luises out there looking for happy, peaceful individuals to infect. I’m sure you’ve accidentally met one or more in your lifetime and you’ve realized that it’s not very nice to meet them, especially when you try to fight or run away from them.
People, run the fuck away as much as you can if you happen to spot them. They don’t want to see us happy, I know. And remember, these Luises are smart and they talk too much, they find you everywhere.
All the Luises don’t want to see us enjoy our own delicious food alone, especially when it’s pinto beans.
Hey! Just an important tip, make sure you wear mask on so they won’t see you.
Be safe.
